WARNING        2.5 stars

Touted as India’s first 3D underwater film & borrowed heavily from Open Water 2: Adrift, first time director, Gurmmeet Singh take audiences on a journey into the lives of 7 young friends, a Labrador Retriever and a baby (Sara). They catch up in Fiji after the protracted five years to celebrate the benign old times & the first birthday of Sara. They do not heed a warning amidst all the jollity and find themselves stranded neck deep in shark-infested ocean, unable to land themselves back on to their small yet lush yacht (Pied Piper). Then starts a bloody game in middle of the everlasting ocean. The lucky one dies first and the rest goes through the worst nightmares of their lives after venting out their frustration/anger, facing the unrequited love, popping out the secrets and lastly, churning out their patience for their survival, with no hope of rescue and miracles.

The movie is more of a survival story & has some inly nail-biting moments, more in the second half, to be precise. The astounding locales of Fiji, the cinematography (top notch), the camera angles, the hair-raising sound effects, the direction, the skin show, the acting in the first half, exhibitioning the fear and a few fantastic shots of 3D gimmickry truly builds up the momentum of the proceedings & keeps the spectators jaw-dropped and hooked till the end. The movie emits fresh vibes to viewers of Hindi films with a theme that's seldom explored here. The direction is simply brilliant. Gurmmeet Singh is flawless in the art of storytelling. The lingo is contemporary, to catch up with the target audience - Youngsters.

On the flip side, the movie is *not* a scarefest, which one expects from this kind of cinema. The narration should have been a songless affair. The escapades with the shark in the second half, should've evoked fear, with the use of 3D gimmickry, but unfortunately it doesn't. The slow pace of the movie has diluted the impact of tension/fear & hence, it should have been 15-20 minutes shorter. The culmination is hurried & abrupt as well, which leaves the viewers wanting for more. The editing is shaky & fails to give the desired lucid flow.

Madhurima Tuli & Suzana Rodrigues flaunt her beach body dauntlessly. It is only during the ultimate moments that the aquaphobic Manjari Fadnis surpasses all, both by flaunting her irritant body & showing her effectiveness through her acting skills. Varun Sharma is competent and has nothing striking to do, unlike his previous attempt Fukrey. With chiseled body and ravishing looks, Santosh Barmola [as Manjari's lover], Jitin Gulati [as Manjari's husband] & Sumit Suri are confident and effectual enough. They know how to emote well.

To sum up, the movie makes it clear from the very beginning what to expect further, as the reel unfurls but if you're brave enough to experiment, give this one a shot (with minimal expectations) for the execution of the idea, which has been done with panache & as never-seen-before happenings or else skip it.

PHATA POSTER NIKHLA HERO     2 stars

Beware what might seem a benign family drama, is a crap all the way!

Rajkumar Santoshi and Tips Music Films are synonymous with the critically acclaimed THE LEGEND OF BHAGAT SINGH and the commercially well-turned AJAB PREM KI GHAZAB KAHANI. Concretely, the versatile director is known for his works like GHAYAL & DAMINI, which won him the coveted Filmfare Best Director Award. With ANDAZ APNA APNA, he turned the dice and had given a cult comedy to Indian cinema. He continued his winning streak with family comedy ala AJAB PREM KI GHAZAB KAHANI. But he fell short of the expectations in his latest endeavour. He carries the hangover of Ajab Prem Ki Ghazab Kahani and directed a mindless comedy, which, in fact, is a spoof on the low IQ comedies churning out of Bollywood. One wonders if Santoshi has stuck to the same formula seeing this movie lacks surprise, soul & even a STORY to hold the zest of the audiences. Santoshi himself, is the dialogue cum screenplay writer of the movie. He might have run out of his mind this time.

Vishwas Rao (Shahid Kapoor) is a film buff since childhood, son of a single mother cum auto driver Savitri (Padmini Kolhapure) in a small town named Shirgaon, whose sole dream is to see her son grow up into an honest police officer. However, after dodging continuously the police selection exam, he comes to Jogi Bhai (Sanjay Mishra) in the city of dreams. After a photoshoot, he retains his khaki attire on the insistence of his photographer and gets mistaken by a social activist cum reporter Kajal (Ileana D'Cruz) as a police officer. Being an inherently righteous man, he saves the victims and manages to catch the attention of dons as his mavericks were resulting in their losses. Preparing for a giant mission called The White Elephant, the dons gear up to find the mischief maker. However, he is victimised only when his mother comes to Mumbai and gets to know that her son isn’t a cop but an actor. The story from then on moves to juggle between Vishwas’ personal life and how he gets stuck on with don Gundappa (Saurabh Shukla) and then the police (Zakir Hussain) for posing as an imposter. Does he manage to scrape through forms the proceedings & crux of the tale!

The only good thing is Shahid Kapoor. He slips in his role with great ease. Though, neither his acting nor his dance skills have been utilised to the fullest. He's capable of doing much more but ultimately restricted to overacting. He tries too hard to carry the burden of a soulless movie, particulary in scenes with the Director (Tinu Anand) and confronting his mother in the hospital but falls short of the expectations. He's simply brilliant in the aforesaid scenes. He somehow manages an impressionable portrayal through dance, comic timing and raw action (Kanal Kannan & Tinu Verma). Salman Khan scene stealing cameo will keep the audiences rolling with laughter. He's completely natural here.

The movie barely has a script. It is a messy hodgepodge of action, romance, humor & melodrama. Every time the action & songs come out of nowhere & they make no sense. The dialogues are plain ordinary. There are scenes of genuine laughs, provided by the brilliant Sanjay Mishra, but they are few & far between. The love angle is immature. The actors are only limited to over the top acting. Ileana is wasted & remains so plastic throughout the movie. All her scenes are unwanted. Padmini Kolhapure acts with aplomb. No words could compliment her acting. Mukesh Tiwari, Darshan Jariwala, Rana Jung Bahadur, Navin Prabhakar, Ishtiyaq, Vishwanath, Neeraj Vora, Shiva Natarajan, Mithilesh Chaturvedi, Pradeep Choudhary, Viju Khote, Deepak Pandit and Abhay Bhargava are wasted. Zakir Hussain, Saurabh Shukla and Sanjay Mishra are excellent. They are true to what they do best. The direction is ordinary. Pritam has done it again. His songs are already chartbusters but that merely couldn't save the movie.

To sum up, Phata Poster Nikla Hero is an insipid & dull affair. The spectators will be exhausted till the climax & will rip your senses apart. Skip this one for sure and opt for Santoshi's earlier works instead.

THE LUNCHBOX      4.5 stars

Warning: You will come out starving after watching so many culinary items.

Have you fallen in love with a person, whom you have never seen and yet you are teetotally excited for one such moment from your love, "almost everyday", which could change you? I bet, not once. The Lunchbox is one such tale. The complacent 'dabbawalas' in the hustling city of Mumbai feed scores of people everyday. They are known for their discernible and timely delivery of the dabbas. Then comes a day, when a lunchbox gets wrongly delivered, which trigers an invisible yet gaily romance between a hassled housewife ILA (Nimrat Kaur), who shuffles between her little daughter and negligent husband, who's having an extra-marital affair, and, a middle-aged widower Government officer Saajan Fernandez (Irrfan Khan). What follows are days of communication through letters. They are not unheard of e-mails & phones but the lunchbox, with a letter everday, brings alive the old-fashioned romance between the two. Saajan has no spices in his life and follows his char with such maturity & ease that the audiences could evidently relate to with typical government employees. He keeps on dodging the man, Sheikh (Nawazuddin Siddiqui), who is to replace him after his retirement and he is even rogue with children. As the conversations amplify, the topic switches from the basic food to that of their lives, letting them open up more about themselves. As the film strides, Ila rolls in a more confident woman. As for Saajan, who has given his 35 years to the job, transmutes from a melancholy employee to that of a man, whose life finds some color via the food. What happens to them thereon, forms the crux of the story.

The film has lasting sights of passing trains and messy government office & Ritesh Batra has done a magnificient job in showing the restlessness of the city entwined with the romance and not forgetting to provide some genuine laughs at regular intervals. Even the minutest details right from the settings to feelings of the three lead actors are taken extreme care of. Unlike typical Bollywood movies, the pace is gentle throughout the movie, which has its own merits in giving ample time for the spectators to adjust to the proceedings and in keeping the audiences engrossed. The director has not only chosen an unconventional plot but gets brownie points too in delivering a simple yet impactful portrayal of human feelings, besides the towering performances of the principal actors. Kudos to him.

On the flip side, the climax & the pace, though, may not appeal to the masses.

Irrfan Khan is the only KHAN who's not a SUPERSTAR but indeed a SUPER STAR. There's nothing he can't perform on. He's the soul of the movie & in true sense, TERRIFIC throughout. It's a delight to watch him again & again surpassing his own previous attempts. Right from his body language to the helplessness of a middle-aged man, he portrays, is simply fantastic. He never falters. Nawazuddin Siddiqui is completely in sync with his character. He is simply outstanding & flawless. He's both repulsive & endearing. No words could truly admire his screen timings and the camaraderie with Irrfan. Watch out for him when every time he comes from nowhere and greets Irrfan "KAISE HAIN SIR!!" and the scene when he invites Irrfan for his wedding. It would bring tears, merely because of his dialogue delivery. Nimrat Kaur is a surprise package. Standing tall in a movie which has Irrfan & Nawaz in the lead, is a daunting task & her performance needs to be lauded. She's the body of the movie. Nakul Vaid, Denzil Smith (as Mr. Shroff) and baby Yashvi Puneet Nagar (as Yashvi) are competent. Lillete Dubey is natural in the role of Ila’s mother. Bharti Achrekar’s voice adds spices. Not to forget, the foodstuffs would literally make your taste buds salivate.

On the whole, Ritesh Batra's meaningful take on love, life, committment & feelings needs to be lauded by the avid cinegoers. This bravura & honest attempt is sure not to be missed. A masterpiece & the most optimistic Bollywood movie been made, thus far.

GRAND MASTI     2.5 stars

Indra Kumar is synonymous with family movies that include Beta, Dil, Raja and Mann, to name a few. In 2004, he took a leap forward and came up with MASTI, based on the extra-marital affair, which instantly hit the right chord with the audiences and was a success. Now, in 2013, he has shattered all his inhibitions and came up with the so-called sequel, GRAND MASTI, which in other words, mark the return of the horny trio and this time they have left no stone unturned in giving the Indianised version of AMERICAN PIE.

Three desperate married guys ( Vivek Oberoi, Riteish Deshmukh and Aftab Shivdasani) have uncontrollable libidos and so in a college reunion, they are looking to have some fun but it goes all wrong . Grand Masti is an onslaught on A, B and C of any female, to get F ( check out for the meaning and you will come out rolling with laughter).  Lewd jokes are aplenty this time. The first half has scenes which literally would bring the house down with laughter. Milap Zaveri dialogues are "gems", no two opinions on that. It evidently requires a highly creative mind to come up with such dialogues to provide collective giggles, which Indian audiences are not habituated to.

On the flip side, alike every single Bollywood movie, the second half tends to loose momentum and is a bit dragging. The jokes fall flat and the penultimate & ultimate moments are hurried. The movie has loads of derogatory comments on the women.  The soundtrack is another lowpoint. Some portions are unexplained. In the reunion, these three horny bastards meet no old friends, only three porn stars type girls, who have names as ROSE, MARY and MARLOW, which kept echoing throughout the movie as roz meri marlow & marlow meri roz.

Ideally, a film like this doesn't merit reviews but the dialogues and the guts to come out with INDEED the first most outrageous sex comedy of India, truly deserves a watch. Riteish Deshmukh has once again excel in the tailor-made role. Aftab Shivdasani marks a strong come back. He is phenomenal, especially when he pops up an idea everytime. Vivek Oberoi is competent. He is overshadowed by his co-stars. The girls are almost wasted. They are not really required to act. They are limited to the oomph factor merely. Pradeep Rawat is worthy. Suresh Menon does manage to provide some naughty jokes and then there is a Pussy too. Watch out for that.

On the whole, GRAND MASTI is, by far, the most turbulent adult humor to come out of Bollywood. If you want to laugh out your lungs on the naughty jokes and the inglorious visuals, then give this one a shot. You will relish the jokes and that's guaranteed.